Internet can be compared to an ocean, which hides in its depths myriads of thinkable and unthinkable things. This is an ocean, indeed, the ocean of information concerned with all possible aspects of our life. And as such, the virtual space of world wide web is linked directly to our material world. Hence, you can pull out of www almost everything you want: music, movies, clothes, furniture, tropical cruises, cars, philosophical concepts and real love: your boyfriend or girlfriend. Important is just to know what kind of fish (or, perhaps, mermaid or merman) you want to catch from these “waters”, how to choose right nets, where to deploy them, what kind of bait to use, and when mermaids/mermen come, how to get one without scaring her (or him) away.
The anonymity of the www can go so deep, that you may flirt on-line with a real mermaid while thinking that this is just a girl. How you can tell? Well, note if she knows well about fish and whales, likes to sing and (beware!) proposes you to meet her on a beach or seashore.
Now, seriously, no scales! For start, and now I am talking about finding your best half on-line, you have to set your mind for the quest. This is a most important starting point: set your mind on who you want to find, to date, to love! Everything else will be derived from this point. Usually people are finding what they are looking for – this is a law of the Universe. So, before getting into this quest, you need to set your goals. To make things easy, best of all is to prepare a list, which will help you to determine what are the major features that you want to find in her or him, what kind of things you may accept or ignore, and, finally, what you really would like to avoid.
The technical approach to your search can be done either by placing your profile on the dating/matchmaking site, by looking through posted profiles and contacting those whom you found interesting, and finally (the best approach) by doing both and using different networks. However, most important is to do all that right!
When you are posting your profile, describe yourself briefly but precisely, i.e. avoid any ambiguities. Present your personal virtues, interests and life priorities. Your photo must be of high quality, large, recent (important!) and really showing the original (the picture of yourself in scuba gear taken from a passing-by motor boat would not work for you, even if this is your favorite one). Also, you will save a lot of time for yourself if you openly list all character features, habits, etc. of potential candidates, which are unacceptable for you. “Married chronic junky” are very common rejection keywords, although, you might think to be more specific. Word of caution, though: if you will narrow down your requirements to somewhat as “I am looking for a model, who is also a role model in life”, be careful: your potential match can be repelled by a thought that you are driven by some inferiority complex, which makes you too picky.
Don’t be shy, if you see a profile, which you really like, contact him or her first. By all means do not send a generic letter. Mention specifics which you like in the profile of this person, what touched you, why you are writing to him or her. However, do not let yourself to be dragged into a long on-line exchange. If you are not seeking a virtual romance (some people do, but this is not what we are discussing here), move to the next step as soon as possible. Give your phone number. However, don’t give your phone number to anybody. Better: open separate cell phone account for such calls only. This will cost you less than changing both your home and cell numbers if you will run into some obnoxious drag.
Before actual meeting, you need to talk to the person by a phone: there are several reasons for doing that. First, you need just to hear a voice. Sometimes this may tell you a lot, it can be complete turn-off, but do not put too much into it. I had once a date with a lady who sounded on a phone like a drunken old hag. I almost hang up thinking that I am a victim of a prank, but natural curiosity won, so I set the date, time and place for a meeting. One who sounded so badly on the phone in life appeared young and beautiful girl, who made all men turn their heads when she entered the restaurant. Honestly, my jaw dropped down when I saw her: so much the actual appearance contrasted with the slow and squeaky voice which I’ve heard on the phone. Second, phone talk may give you an idea on vocabulary and, hence, social position of the person. One young lady, a friend of mine, had a week-long exchange with a guy, who apparently enchanted her with his writings. They decided to meet, so he called her on a phone. When he called, his talk was saturated with so many unnecessary colloquial terms, that she became absolutely convinced not to pursue this acquaintance any further. Needless to say, that the meeting never took place.
Transfer from virtual relationship into a real one is a serious deal. There are no small things there. All is important: where to have a meeting, what to wear, what to talk about, and what better no to talk about too.
So, the place of meeting is important indeed. According to my brief study out of 15 men questioned on the subject, 4 proposed meeting in a church (warm, soothing and inexpensive environment), 3 in café, 3 in a restaurant, 2 in night club, 1 invited to his place, 1 offered walk in a park, and one couldn’t answer. Perhaps, any place for a first meeting will be good, as long as you would have enough time and space to learn about each other. Thus, church might not be the best choice, considering perhaps different religious backgrounds, and the fact that some people are coming there for speaking to God and not to each other. Meeting outdoors might be OK, as long as weather permits, and there is enough safety and not too much noise, crowd and cars. Perhaps out of all mentioned places café, restaurant and night club were the best choices. Advice to ladies: if man having a problem with picking a meeting place or offers you something that you don’t really feel comfortable about, propose a meeting at a local museum of art or any other place of this kind. You can always find in such places a small café nearby or just a bench to sit and talk, it is always quiet there, safe and peaceful, and you will be surrounded by beautiful objects of art.
When you are preparing for the first meeting keep in mind, that you are meeting with a stranger. The odds that you will run into Jack the Ripper are next to none, but less dramatic nuisance is still possible. In other words some reasonable safety considerations would not be an extra. The place must not be completely deserted by people (cemeteries, remote parks or abandoned factories are bad choices), there must be a clear way for retreat. It would not hurt you to leave a note to one of your close friends or relatives that you going to a first date with so-and-so (name), and to leave a phone number of this person. Just in case.
The attire should be in accord with the place of a meeting. Important to have not only nice, but comfortable clothing, so you will feel firm.
It is scientifically proven fact, that opinion about a person is usually formed over the first 15 seconds of a meeting. In other words, one will never have a chance to make a first impression for the second time. Kindness, calmness and smile – this is what is needed for making a contact and winning the trust.
At the first meeting it is a bad idea to talk about your past wives (or husbands) and lovers, about issues with your health, talk about problems at work or touching any religious subjects. Best approach is to listen more than talk, ask supporting questions. Of course, you have to listen actively, give short phrases or just words, like “Is that right?!”, “Yeah, I see”, “Interesting”. Your task will be to find a topic of mutual interest. Then your date will open and the talk will be sincere.
Now you have to observe. If your date talks only about him(her)self, about…
